Enough enough enough holidays! Don’t mind my grinchiness. Don’t get worried about me. I don’t have a dark past where I was given up to an uncaring, drunk foster mom with a greasy boyfriend on Chanukah, or where we noticed a stink in the house after Daddy went missing on Christmas morning, and then found […]
KEEP READINGrandom personal
Hate, Love, “Keep As New” Hell: The 3 Kinds Of Emails In My Inbox
Emails I hate: – Client emails asking for revisions, especially when those revisions are ones they could’ve done themselves in less time than it took to ask for them (“Can you please change the word ‘digital’ to ‘online’ and capitalize the network name at the top of the script? Also, I believe there is a […]
KEEP READINGSmooth Jazz Guy Gets A Piece Of My Mind (In My Mind)
Smooth Jazz Guy was back in the gym yesterday. As a refresher, he’s the guy in my building who has his trainer turn on the deadly Smooth Jazz Channel on the TV, at top volume. Well, guess what – yesterday, I beat him! I was in the gym first, and had already turned on the TV to my […]
KEEP READINGDon’t get on my bad side.
I read a familiar story about Mariah Carey this week. It said she wanted to go on the Wendy Williams show, and her people requested/ insisted that Wendy give up her usual side of the set so Mariah could sit there and show the better side of her face. She’s been doing this for years. […]
KEEP READINGHow to make your “cousins” pictures more exciting
Welcome to Yawn Country. Maybe it’s for the best, because I keep wanting to spend less time on Facebook, but my newsfeed gets so f&cking boring during the holidays. Not just the winter holidays, though those posts are especially snooze-making, what with all the “Did our tree!” posts. Something about the sight of holly and […]
KEEP READINGGratitude that’s not dinner talk
“What are you grateful for?” On Thanksgiving, families and friends go around the table and answer that question. At least, they do on TV. My family’s a little different. We usually skip that part and say something like “Next year in Jerusalem!” because the crowd is identical to the people at our Passover table, and […]
KEEP READINGParties are hard.
Happy Monday! (I know, I know, you might be in a different hemisphere. To be inclusive, happy whatever day it is for you.) I woke up so late and groggy today. I’m still recovering from a party I went to on Saturday night. And, from the anticipation of the party. It started at 10. 10! That’s […]
KEEP READINGThe time I actually took advice
I have sleep problems. For a week straight, at least once a month, I’ll keep waking up at 2, try till around 3 to get back to sleep, then give up, eat cereal, browse Facebook to look at posts I already saw 4 hours ago — “Michael just checked in at The Spotted Pig” post, please […]
KEEP READINGHell Is Other People
Whoever said that was so right. Someone obvious, I’m forgetting. I don’t feel like looking it up, because I’d rather tell you about two little versions of hell I experience every day. I know “hell” is supposed to be capitalized, but that seems religious and weird to me. 1) Holding-the-elevator hell Our apartment is on the […]
KEEP READINGWhy the newspaper makes me feel bad.
Reading the paper gives me the empty feeling. I think that’s pretty common, but most people I know get upset when they’re reading it because they come away feeling like the world’s going to shit. Or to hell in a hand basket. It’s always one of those two things. For them, it’s the beheadings, the fracking, the […]
KEEP READINGHow do you people do this?
I wrote this post last night because today, I’m working with a team from 10-6. It’s for a project I’m really excited about (The Copy Cure, coming Spring 2015!) but I’m not excited about working 10-6. I get anxiety the night before. How will I get up early enough to have the morning I want, which […]
KEEP READINGWhat If I Went Out Naked (And Other Horrors)
We all think about weird things that we don’t have to think about, right? At a dinner party the other night, my friend revealed that she thinks constantly about where she’d choose to be, if there were a choice, in a human centipede: front, middle, or back. In case you don’t know, there’s a movie called Human […]
KEEP READINGWhat’s Wrong With This Person?
Seriously: What is wrong with a person who gets not one, but two juror qualification surveys she could just fill out ONLINE – no messy pen and paper required, no folding of paper and putting into unreasonably dreaded envelope, simply type name and age and check “no, not a felon” and click send, that’s all she had to […]
KEEP READINGThree old-person things I did before 9:30 am
1) Shook my finger — like a pendulum, back and forth — at a car trying to turn through a just-red light. I actually “tsked” as I stopped the car by walking in front of it, and gave it a “where do you think you’re going, sonny” look. (The driver was an old Chinese lady.) […]
KEEP READING