I have sleep problems.
For a week straight, at least once a month, I’ll keep waking up at 2, try till around 3 to get back to sleep, then give up, eat cereal, browse Facebook to look at posts I already saw 4 hours ago — “Michael just checked in at The Spotted Pig” post, please go away — watch yesterday’s episode of The View on demand (because that’s my idea of “catching up on what’s going on”), eat more cereal, try to go back to bed.
These nights, the real sleeping doesn’t start till around 5 am, and the rest of the day is shot.
It’s also shot if I take something to make me sleep, like three Tylenols. That knocks me out, but I’m a dead-eyed crackhead the next day.
I won’t do Ambien, because it occasionally leads to sleep-eating, and I’d be the one who goes out for a candy bars I don’t even like, and wake up in the morning in my puffy coat surrounded by Almond Joy wrappers.
A friend of mine asked if I wanted a suggestion.
I said yes, even though I’m terrible at following suggestions. I’m a classic Yeah Yeah. As in, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll definitely try to do that.”
My body rejects advice. Especially if it involves stretching or breathing exercises, which advice ALWAYS involves nowadays. “I have a fantastic breath series you need to try.”
No, I don’t. Breath series? Don’t try to make it sound like Scandal or Breaking Bad. I know what a series is. Your word trickery is not gonna work on me, hippy.
I have one friend who gives me the kind of advice I like: stuff I’m already doing.
I’ll say, “I just started eating more fish,” and she’ll say, “You know what, you should totally do that. Start eating more fish, it’s so good for you.” And I’m like, yeah, I know, I am, I’m doing that. So we’re all good.
But this is all to say, I actually took my friend’s sleep advice. She said to try lavender oil.
Her words: “I sleep like the dead.”
Too appealing to ignore. And no breathing! I ordered some from Amazon. It came the other day, in an ugly bottle Steven made me hide where he’d never see it again, and I’ve used it 3 nights in a row.
When you rub the stuff on your hands, you go to bed smelling like a 7-11 at an off hour, when they’re mopping the place, or like urinal cakes. Now I know what they scent those with.
But you know what? All three nights, I slept like the dead.
Got any advice I should try? I’ll probably reject it, but go ahead.
Do you have sleep problems? What do you do when you can’t sleep?
Do you take advice?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.