1) Old-timey apostrophes are goofy. Like in the word “per’aps,” which, I’m ashamed to remember, I went through a phase of saying instead of “maybe” when I was 11. That and the sandals with socks might be why even my little sister stopped thinking I was cool. 2) The weather part sucks, especially when you’re […]
KEEP READINGGreetings from Casa Mom ‘n’ Dad
If you’re wondering why I haven’t posted in the last week… Well, there was a little thing called Sandy. An event during which I thought it would be a tad insensitive, or “tone deaf” to write my silly blog posts. (Yikes, it probably still is.) And if you’re wondering why I haven’t posted in the […]
KEEP READINGAn early Father’s Day card: 1 of the many reasons I love my dad.
For context: 1) My Dad somehow chose a Facebook setting that emails him every one of his friends’ status updates. 2) He responds to these updates by email. 3) This is Simon Doonan: simondoonan.net
KEEP READINGHow To Prep Your Home For Nosy-Ass Strangers: 7 Key Steps
If you’ve been following my real estate adventures here, you know that we’re selling our apartment. Selling means having open houses, which means leaving your home for an hour and a half on a Sunday afternoon while groups of strangers troop through and touch your stuff. But before they come, how do you make sure […]
KEEP READINGI’m insecure about my security questions.
Don’t you hate answering those internet “password hint” security questions? Actually, you probably don’t. You probably think they’re easy. But I always find myself second guessing. For instance: Who was your favorite teacher? I can’t decide on just one, so I know I won’t remember which one I put down for my answer. Was it […]
KEEP READINGGrout lung, and other perils of bad hiring decisions
I suck at hiring people, and at managing them. The last couple of weeks have confirmed this, because we’re getting our apartment ready to sell, and that involves hiring people to do things. Which I’ve done, to sucky effect. 1. The bathroom guys. First, we had to re-grout the bathroom tiles and re-glaze the tub. […]
KEEP READINGDon’t kiss me, I have a cold. (And, why I’m running for President)
I don’t really have a cold. But you might wonder if I was sick, since I haven’t posted in so long. Actually, I have an excellent reason for not posting. Some might tell you I’ve been spending every free moment checking real estate listings with an obsessive, zombie-like fever. Although that might be partly true, I’ve also […]
KEEP READINGThe One Thing I Learned Last Year (Or: A Final Goodbye To Banana Mouth)
When I was getting my coffee at the shop on the corner, I heard someone say, “I learned a lot in the last year.” She had a baby in a stroller who looked to be about a year old, so yeah, I bet she did learn a lot in the last year. Everyone says you […]
KEEP READINGConfessions of a Closet Chip-Hoarder
When did I turn into a chip person? You know, someone who keeps chips in the house. I never used to do that. I’d eat chips at a party, but I wouldn’t go buy them at the store. They’re junk food, and go against my college-girl-on-a-diet training, which is: pretzels and rice cakes only. I […]
KEEP READINGBirdpoop, ghosts, and obesity: a Halloween list of my top fears.
Halloween is almost here! Does that excite me? No, it scares me. Here’s why: The parade. There’s extra adrenaline in the air on Halloween. People are buzzed on candy and sexual possibilities. People like that, in a crowd, are trampling and suffocation waiting to happen. My fear of getting crushed to death gets a spooky […]
KEEP READINGApple Memories
I’ve used Apple computers since 1982.* Before my family got one, my computer experience was limited to the one at school. It was at a desk in the center area, and we’d all wait for our turn to sit and use it. It had glowing green type on a dark greenish screen, and the coolest […]
KEEP READINGHorsemeat is the new beef, and other notes from vacation
Just got back from a trip to Italy. By “just” I mean Monday, and it’s now Friday. I always regret telling people the actual day I’m coming back, rather than lying and giving myself a few extra days to pretend I’m not here. But I once had a boyfriend who did that, and he was […]
KEEP READINGEating Irene (a tale of panicked supermarket decisions and devastating caloric damage)
I just threw out half an apple cake. I should probably do the same with the unopened pretzel m&ms. Too late for the Baked Lays, the Salt and Vinegar Kettle Chips, and both pints of Haagen Dazs. Oh, there’s also the nub of a blondie from the Korean deli. I could toss that. I normally […]
KEEP READINGSometimes the squeaky wheel looks like a dipshit.
My dad loves the expression “The squeaky wheel gets the oil.” He also loves demanding oil when he’s told there is no oil, or that the squeaky wheels aren’t allowed to have it. Which brings me to another favorite expression of his: “Would it be possible for you to make an exception?” The lesson I […]
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