Last week, I treated myself to some heavy-duty, delightfully effective Tylenol Cold and Flu. Man, do I love Western medicine! Praise Duane Reade. Blessed be CVS. My one complaint is the damn packaging that breaks off your fingernails. “Peel from this corner” is the biggest tease of all time. Why don’t they let us go through all […]
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Should I get off my high horse about grammar?
Last week, I wrote a post on Facebook that I immediately wanted to delete. It was a clever little finger wag about grammar. I hate clever. I love dumb, I love funny, but clever is yuck. Clever is “Get it? Get it?” It’s a pursed-lip giggle with fanned fingers touched to pearls, in an “Oh […]
KEEP READINGWorst writing advice ever. Ever, ever.
I have fake eyelash extensions, I often put off writing, and I used to be in a cult. 3 things I’ve mentioned here before, and today they all tie together. First, about the cult: I’ll give the usual qualifier, which is that it wasn’t a cult-cult, more of a weekly workshop attended by about 70 […]
KEEP READINGNo one’s thinking about you as much as you are. (And why you don’t need to apologize for not blogging more)
I look like shit I look like shit I look like shit. That’s the thought that ruined my whole evening recently. And my steak. That day, I’d been part of a photo shoot for a friend who’s a stylist and needed to put outfits on real people (read: so. not. models.) for her blog. She had pros there to do my […]
KEEP READINGI have nothing to say today.
I knew this day would come. The day when I feel like I have nothing to say. Sometimes I get inspired on my morning walk – like, check out the chick at the farmers market wearing diaper jeans. That’s a blog post! Sometimes I get inspired the night before when I’m watching TV with Steven. […]
KEEP READINGCan I do this every f*cking day?
OK, I have two things to confess. Jesus, I already hate this post. I hate when bloggers say they’re going to confess something and you get all excited for something juicy, like “I make out with my dog and I don’t just mean first base” or “My real hobby isn’t painting watercolor landscapes, it’s shoplifting Lanvin handbags […]
KEEP READINGHow a big hole can get you more attention.
The Diddler is back. No, The Diddler is not a Batman villain. It’s our nickname for the guy who plants himself outside our window a couple of times a day to have a smoke and jerk his fly up and down. Once or twice, I’m pretty sure he’s actually whipped out his thang and jerked that […]
KEEP READINGNo comment.
Oh, me so haw-ny! Me love you long time! Hello, I’m a comment whore.
KEEP READINGI’m back from Funky Town.
Hey, I’m back. Why haven’t I posted in the last month? Well, I had a metric shit-ton of work. And allergies. They’re really bad this year, seriously – I want to scratch my eyes with a fork. And there was that ash cloud. OK, I can’t really blame the volcano in Iceland. Especially since I […]
KEEP READINGGo ahead, hate my stuff (or, why writing is like a big glass of milk).
I’m not a picky eater. I love most food. But there’s one thing that makes me gag.If it’s on my plate I can’t eat it. If someone at the same table has it, I have to breathe through my mouth — which is good incentive for everyone else not to order it, because who wants […]
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