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Talking Shrimp

Talking Shrimp

copywriting. jumbo style.

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Nothing is the new anything.

26 Comments

Where did this blank is the new blank thing start? Was it “brown is the new black” circa 1994? That’s when I first heard it, and I obeyed by replacing all my black accessories with brown. Black boots? Tacky! Brown boots. Good. I hate that saying. Or is it a meme? Is meme the new saying? […]

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Uncategorized

Opinions are like _____.

32 Comments

The NY Post ran this “opinion piece” this week. (I won’t link to it, since I need the web visitors more than Rupert Murdoch does.) I guess opinions are like nipples – everyone’s got ’em, and some people have the need to share theirs with the world – probably after standing in front of a fan – […]

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There’s a small window.

56 Comments

When someone says something and you don’t really hear what they said, because you’re deaf as shit… Or when someone makes a joke you don’t get… …And then you pretend you totally heard it or totally got it, and you laugh along, throwing your head back with appreciation, and say, “Right?” When that happens, there’s a window to […]

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Don’t wake me. (Or, why I got fired.)

Got something to say?

If it’s 8am, I’m still sleeping. Go away. 9am? Still sleeping. Maybe even at 10. I’m not proud that I sleep so late, but I’m proud that I can. I’ve built a successful business that lets me be the Queen of Snooze that I am. (So can you. More on that down the page.) Fun […]

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b-school, business, Uncategorized

They’re watching.

14 Comments

I’m not normally paranoid. I don’t think everyone’s talking about me. I don’t think everyone’s out to get me, or to steal my identity — even though it turns out they actually are. But, in specific areas of my life, I do think someone’s watching me. There are two occasions where I’m certain I’m being […]

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A thank you note to the a-hole who stole my identity.

27 Comments

Dear A-hole Who Stole My Identity, Thanks a lot! Yes, I’m being sarcastic. And I continue to be when I say that I hope you’ve enjoyed your shopping sprees at Sears, Kohls, BestBuy, Pier One, JC Penney, and whatever stupid big box store was next to issue you a line of credit in my name. I’m […]

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Am I letting myself go?

100 Comments

I was out on the street this morning, doing the daily 3-block walk I try to make myself do if it’s over 30 degrees out. Really 6 blocks, to Citarella, my 3-block landmark,  and back. Sometimes I stop into Citarella even if I don’t need anything, because in the winter I need a reward for […]

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hand-picked, Uncategorized

Time for camp! (with pics)

12 Comments

[NOTE: This is a copy of an email I sent to my list. If you’re not on the list, you should subscribe at the bottom.] Hey there — I was just thinking about you. What I was thinking is, if you’re reading this (oh, you are) and you haven’t signed up for Marie Forleo’s B-School, then […]

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Uncategorized

I see you looking.

6 Comments

I’m writing this from the window of my new apartment. (Visual at end of postl.) We’re on the second floor, which doesn’t sound all that glamorous and does have its drawbacks – I’m talking to you, blinding street lamp at eye level – but it offers some preemo people watching. Douchebags shouting on cell phones, old people […]

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Bruce’s Buttons

2 Comments

Why am I showcasing my friend Bruce’s buttons? Read this post.

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An early Father’s Day card: 1 of the many reasons I love my dad.

24 Comments

For context: 1) My Dad somehow chose a Facebook setting that emails him every one of his friends’ status updates. 2) He responds to these updates by email. 3) This is Simon Doonan: simondoonan.net

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Uncategorized

Grout lung, and other perils of bad hiring decisions

24 Comments

I suck at hiring people, and at managing them. The last couple of weeks have confirmed this, because we’re getting our apartment ready to sell, and that involves hiring people to do things. Which I’ve done, to sucky effect. 1. The bathroom guys. First, we had to re-grout the bathroom tiles and re-glaze the tub. […]

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Uncategorized

Don’t kiss me, I have a cold. (And, why I’m running for President)

40 Comments

I don’t really have a cold. But you might wonder if I was sick, since I haven’t posted in so long. Actually, I have an excellent reason for not posting. Some might tell you I’ve been spending every free moment checking real estate listings with an obsessive, zombie-like fever. Although that might be partly true, I’ve also […]

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The One Thing I Learned Last Year (Or: A Final Goodbye To Banana Mouth)

24 Comments

When I was getting my coffee at the shop on the corner, I heard someone say, “I learned a lot in the last year.” She had a baby in a stroller who looked to be about a year old, so yeah, I bet she did learn a lot in the last year. Everyone says you […]

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