Three things that confound me about women on TV:
1) They are always ready to bone. And that’s all it takes.
I’m talking network TV, not cable or comedy. Those show some real, awkward fumbling stuff. But on a drama, even a decent one, there’s no “Wait, wait, not ready” (note to NPR – new game show?) and there’s no “Shoot, you should’ve told me you wanted to tonight, I wouldn’t have eaten that huge burger. I need to digest first.” It’s always go-time, and “go” means…
The guy sticks it in. Her eyes and mouth fly open in surprised ecstasy. Or, the eyes shut, but either way, mouth open. Does drool come out of that open mouth? No, of course not, because no need to concentrate. Just let the thrusting do the work, till they both scream together, and collapse, laughing.
That’s all there is to it.
Actually, TV has added the way-to-frequent “chowing down” scene to the doin’ it repertoire, but that’s no better. Because the guy (or sometimes woman, if it’s a scene with Kalinda on The Good Wife) always dives under the duvet. All I can think when I see the head rooting around under the heavy down quilt is, “Wouldn’t you want some air?”
And can we discuss Kalinda and how she’s ready to knock boots (knee-high ones) with anyone who has information? I don’t see her showering that much afterwards, either. She puts back on that same leather skirt and goes back to work.
2) They will stop in the middle of a workout to chat (usually about boning)
If you take the trouble to squeeze on a sports bra and tie sneakers and go for a run, are you really going to pause in the middle of it for 5 minutes of girl talk? Heart rate, people! If I’m running, and anyone stops me — like, to ask for directions, or say “WATCH IT BITCH, IT’S A RED LIGHT!” — no way I stop and grab a bench. That like, undoes your whole workout. I will bounce around in place with my fingers on my neck pulse to make it very clear to the universe that the BURNING FAT sign is still on. No. You don’t stop and chat. Ridiculous.
3) They always moisturize before bed.
I know we’re supposed to, but am I the only one not rubbing lotion on my hands and elbows while discussing the day with my husband? They take forever with it, too. Slow, methodical. Are all the shows sponsored by Dove, or is this really a thing every woman does? Maybe that’s the secret to wanting to bone all the time.
Discuss, please! What do you have to say about these two things? Are they both normal?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.
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