I’ve helped a lot of coaches with their copy.
Life coaches, wellness coaches, joy coaches, high-performance coaches, abundance coaches, gluten-cleanse coaches, empowerment coaches, vibrational alignment coaches. Confidence coaches, bone broth coaches, flow coaches. Not a menstrual thing.
(I’m tempted to put quotation marks on some of those but I won’t. There’s a lid for every pot, a client for every “WTF-does-that-title-you-gave-yourself-mean” service provider.)
Can I tell you how many of those have asked me to barter?
In return for my services, they offer to help me do the following hilarious things:
– Take more breaks.
– Learn the art of self care
– Release feelings of unworthiness around money
– Put myself first, for once.
– Create that “something bigger than myself” that I’m craving in my life.
Um…have we met?
My whole calendar is blocked out with chunks that say “busy.”
Know what those are for? BREAKS. I schedule them not because I’ll forget to take them, but because I don’t want any clients booking me through my scheduling link during the multiple times of day when my body naturally craves Bravo.
I never miss an eyelash extension appointment. That’s self care, right?
I think I should be paid to exist. Or at least to lie around and drink iced coffee.
I fight over food with my own husband. When I see someone headed in the direction of a checkout line or coffee shop at the same time as me, I bolt for it so I can get there before them. Is that putting-yourself-first-y enough?
And I’ve never had a desire to do something bigger than myself. Big and famous, sure. But like, global? World-changing? I don’t think that way.
Everyone seems to think the world is made up of over-giving overachievers who need to be reminded to put their own oxygen mask on first.
And I think, WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME?
I once asked a coach, “Do you ever work with lazy people who have trouble following through and naturally don’t want to work?” She looked at me like I’d asked, “Do you like to coach violent sex offenders?”
No one in this self-growth-centered, online-entrepre-nerd freakosystem acknowledges that we exist:
The lazy people.
The people who want to be obscenely successful even though our DNA is the same as a snail’s, crossed with a sloth’s, crossed with melted fontina.
We don’t want to change the world.
We don’t crave “mindfulness.”
We don’t want to manage a team.
We don’t want to drain our lymph nodes as part of a pre-sleep routine (I heard a podcaster say he does that, and recommend it for all entrepreneurs).
And just ask us if we want to “take massive action.” We will make a bathroom joke.
All we want is for life to be as easy as possible, with the most income and the most time on the couch watching Bethenny fight with Luann.
Time with friends and family too, that’s fine. If we don’t have to dress up.
We don’t feel bad taking money for what comes naturally. We just haven’t found that thing that we could happily do all day that people want to pay for. (My craigslist ad, “For $1000 an hour, I will eat linguine with clams” has no takers.)
We’d love to be transformed into one of these ultra-productive, giving, loving superhumans everyone’s talking about. The ones who actually need help taking a break. And don’t tell me I’ll become that when I override my invisible scripts and limiting beliefs.
I already know that I’m capable of anything I feel like doing.
I’m starting a Lazy F*cks Movement.
Raise your hand if you’re in. That’s the movement.
Do you have trouble taking breaks and putting yourself first? Do you identify with all the offers out there (or have any idea what I’m talking about)?
Or are you in the Lazy F*cks Club?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.