My day today was going shitty.
Nothing terrible happened, it was more of a low-grade shitty.
1) I woke up looking really puffy, especially around the jowl area. I say “jowl area” because it sounds less harsh and middle-aged than plain ol’ “jowls.”
2) I forgot to take the spoiled arugula with me when I went out for my morning walk, so I could return it to Citarella. It was the last container of arugula in the store on Easter Sunday, and I knew it would be no good. But I bought it anyway, because I felt like being disappointed by salad.
3) When I came back from my walk and saw the forgotten, off-smelling arugula in the fridge, it made me think of the 14-dollar burrata ball that I threw out last night. It was sour, and green on the bottom, even though it wasn’t even at its sell-by date. I hate not getting my money back for rotten cheese, but not feeling like going back to Eataly won out.
4) I had time to write a blog post this morning, but didn’t because nothing I wrote was coming out right.
5) Instead of doing something that would move my life or career forward, I read every recap of last night’s Mad Men.
6) I spent the morning in a funk of missing someone, and then realized that someone was last night’s Mad Men.
7) Let an email to a client who asked for a 1-hour session take me two hours to write.
8) House dance class had moves I was bad at. I suck at turns. I think I have bad balance because of scoliosis. And I think I have scoliosis because I’m pretty sure a doctor once said so. I ignored him on account of the Judy Blume book Deenie. She was a teenager who had to wear a back brace. Also, she touched herself at night in her “special spot.” Which is irrelevant but made me that much more uncomfortable about scoliosis.
9) Saw my Time Warner Cable bill. Wondered how long I’ve been paying over $200 bucks a month, and felt sick.
10) Picked up, then put down, for the 100th time, a medical bill that should never have come to me because it was for a routine annual checkup which is covered by insurance. Also, it had a line item for “SPECIAMEN HANDLING.” There was no “speciamen” involved in this checkup. Any kind of “speciamen” leaving is traumatic for me. I’d remember.
So here’s what I did to salvage the day:
1) Came home from dance, called Time Warner Cable to demand they lower my cable bill. I got an actual human on the line and he actually lowered my cable bill. He reduced it from ARE YOU SHITTING ME back down to the previous sum of GODDAMN WE PAY TOO MUCH FOR CABLE, THIS IS WHY PEOPLE CUT THE CHORD, BUT WHAT ARE WE, BROOKLYN PEOPLE? NO, WE KEEP THE CABLE, PLUS IT’S TAX DEDUCTIBLE ANYWAY. Plus, gave me a month’s credit for the difference. Plus, was very receptive to my feedback that the On Demand user experience sucks a big hairy one. It’s a cock blocker for binge watching. I didn’t put it in those exact words, but he agreed.
2) Called insurance, who agreed I shouldn’t have been billed by the doctor’s office, and is re-processing the claim.
3) Wrote this blog post. I feel better.
You ever have one of those low-grade shit days? What do you do to redeem it?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.