1) People who say “I have a larger than life personality” just have larger assholes. Gaping ones.
2) People who say “I don’t need the negativity in my life” and “I just want to surround myself with positive people” don’t know or like any positive people. The closest thing they have is a cheap “healing” candle that smells like a urinal cake.
3) People who say “I don’t have time for the drama” have two things. 1) Time 2) A lust for drama. In fact, they’re hoping you will point this out, which will stir up some drama, which will give them cause to CALL YOU OUT IN ALL CAPS or pull your weave.
4) People who talk about “haters” and call them “jealous people trying to bring me down” have nothing to be jealous of, but so much to hate.
5) People who wrap up a disagreement in a Facebook thread by sending you “love and light” are sending you a thick, heavy ray of doo-doo.
6) People who say “People are so easily offended! It’s called SARCASM, folks! Lighten up, I was being funny!” are usually about as funny as the Holocaust. Which might also have been sarcasm, but we didn’t get it.
7) People who say “Guys can’t handle a strong woman” should try not emailing, texting, tweeting, private messaging, timeline posting, and Starbucks-card-gifting progressively crazy communications — from “that was fun” to “whassup” to “you ok?” to “???” to “Thanks for sending mixed messages, have a Frappuccino on me, hope your dick falls off. Wishing you love and light” — all after just one date.
[Tweet “People who say “I have a larger than life personality” just have larger assholes. Gaping ones. via @lbelgray”]
Now you.
Got anything to add to this? What other kinds of people do you meet in Crazy Town?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.
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People who say, “I’m a Foodie” are really saying, “I’m a pretentious asshole when it comes to food”.
When conspiracy theorists join that club do they automatically have to sign up for EVERY conspiracy theory that comes along? Cause it sure seems like it.
And Lane, when you came back in to correct your apostrophic faux pas in it’s, you restored my faith in humankind.
Karen! You bring me great joy with the underused adjective “apostrophic.” Please be a regular here.
Not being able to edit my comments = the bane of my existence. It’s a literal pain in my ass. Kind of like sciatica, but not.
Bravo on the use of apostrophic. You just don’t hear that one thrown around enough. One of my faves is monosyllabic. For no other reason than I like to say it.
Ooo, also love monosyllabic. Just for my own amusement Ima see how many times I can work that word into my conversations today. Because I’m a little odd like that.
Will report back. Laura, you might start to regret the invitation to be a regular..
Unless you’re a diving instructor talking to a student about their weight belt, there is no good reason to ever say: “You need to lighten up!”
Agreed. Nobody good ever says that.
Love your comments people in the comments here!
Lane…those people with the whole mercury in retrograde….ummm is mercury ever NOT in retrograde???? Lane are so funny…I think a cuppa with you and Laura would be a laugh fest…you all can come, I’ll back. Laura’s blog is the only one I read all the way through, her posts, and all the comments.
I learn more here then I have on google.
Margi…a Goblin Universe, who knew?
Next time I’m in New York, I’m going to stalk Laura, in a super creepy way, and make her have a drink with me. You should come too.
My papa used to say “There really are only 7 bad people in the world. They just get around a lot.”
I find it strange that there are people who profess “light and love” and yet they can be very passive aggressive and downright harsh. Isn’t that heavy and hateful?
I love Sam’s comment from a friend, and people who suggest with such care, they want to be brutally honest…being honest without doing harm…I think that is a 12 step credo possibly.
You never cease to amaze…Laura…so smart, succinct, brilliant headliner…you got it all girl!
I always look forward to reading your posts, such a welcome break from all the white noise.
Saying “love and light” is the absolute hallmark of a crazy person, if you ask me. I have yet to meet someone who says that who I’d ever get along with. But maybe I’m the crazy.
Thank you as always, Jul’s!
I have had this page open all day and still cannot decide on which type of crazy I need to add here…I will have to sleep on it and get back to you tomorrow!
Love this post!!!
Who said you had to pick one??
OK, get this. I was walking into my local coffee shop yesterday and ran into a former co-worker. We started talking about the fact that he no longer works there and how he couldn’t understand why, and then he informed me that there is a “Goblin Universe” out there pulling the strings on our reality. Oh-Kaaaaay.
That’s fantastic. I love people who blame their career lows on goblins. I don’t know any, but I love them in theory and want to meet them.
I personally would rather meet the fairies than the goblins. Because if the goblins look anything like the orcs in Lord of the Rings, I would shit myself. And, well, that just shouldn’t happen.
Hey Laura,
Ya if you are fighting with someone on face book you are pretty silly. (even more coocoo) if you have never met the person.
That being said I totally had a fight with an old friend in PM on face book recently.
She was pissed off at me and so when I posted about an upcoming gig she wrote a negative comment,
and it was out there for all the world to see, Yikes!!!!
So I PMed her was like “what the hell?” then she totally pulled my online weave.
and she was like “bla bla bla bla” which basically made no sense to me,
I mean I just don’t have time for the drama, and I can’t stand negative people bringing me down man. She is SO jealous.
BUT FOR REALS; PEOPLE (ESPECIALLY CREATIVE PEOPLE) BE FUCKING CRAZY!!!!
and another TYPE of crazy person the uber-coach that just knows the whole world needs their advise in every situation, at all times.
cause your life is so perfect that you have to “shine the light” and uplift everyone else to your level at all times, REALLY????
I think I’ve been there too!!! just sayin’
YOU ARE BANANAS!!!!
love and light-
P.S. I feel like you need a magazine gig,
(I’m not sure if this is a psychic message being delivered through me as a vessel, or if I am starting my new career in career coaching or both)
but that’s how I feel what do you thing of this???
I like the idea. And yet, magazines don’t pay squat, and want to edit you. Here, no one edits me! But I respect you as a vessel.
I want to put an online hit out on this friend. Do you know what I do instead of getting into fights with crazies on FB? I type my comment into the comment box, take a screen shot, and then delete. Then, I send the screen shot to a friend as crazy as I am who will enjoy it.
Very cathartic.
Wait. Don’t get me started … dancers! Lived in Hollywood for 20 years. And yes, I’m a Reiki Master…uh, oops. S’all good.
Ma, c’e, 7 kinds of crazy responses here, non c’e niente ci posso fare, or add to … communque, all bat shit crazy good.
Mixing two languages & metaphors – Izzat basta crazy for ya?
Tutti i dancers sono bat shit pazzi.
Ha Ha Bravo TV. The black hole formerly conscious thinkers were sucked into..
Watch it, that’s my favorite black hole.
I heart Bravo. It’s like watching people do a parody of someone, only they’re not. They’re real. It’s so bad, it’s good.
Bat shit crazy:
1.) People who use their pendulums to make their decisions. (I’ve had people hold them over their calendars before making appointments, to see what day the appointment should be.– One particular 75 year old I know uses a teddy bear key chain as her pendulum. She’s a special sort of crazy.)
2.) People who think that their fucked up behavior in this life is because of a past one. (I recently talked to someone who said that she was horrible with money because she was a mean tax collector hundreds of years ago.) — Get over your shit already, it was 800 years ago. Slow learner?
3.) People who think that Mercury Retrograde is responsible for all the bad shit that happens in their lives.
4.) I met a 37 year old man one time that said that all of his problems in his life stemmed from the fact that he wasn’t breast-fed. He had a long blonde pony tail. I wasn’t surprised.
5. ) Someone recently told me that she had major anxiety over the fact that the government was controlling our weather. (Look up HAARP) I told her, “Great! Let ’em do it. I don’t have to worry about global warming then.”
6.) Actually, can we just throw ALL conspiracists in the bat shit crazy category? They all seem to be miserable human beings looking for excuses for their miserable lives. And they’re THE most annoying people to have a conversation with.
Oh my gosh. I think I’ll have a lot of replies to this post as the day goes on. There’s a lot of crazy out there!
Lions, and tigers, and Conspiracy Believers, oh my! Yeah, don’t get me started on that topic. Bat shit crazy bonkers madness, you betcha.
I feel like there’s a conspiracy from this blog site to stop me from my goal of talking to much. Today is the second day in a row that I tried to post a two word reply and it wouldn’t let me. It said that my comment was “too short”. I just wanted to reply:
You BETCHA!
My goal of NOT talking too much. Haha! I definitely don’t need to talk more.
Chemtrails! 9-11 was an inside job! Malaysia airliner is at a secret US base in the Pacific! Vaccines are BAD!!!
Man, I had to start a “I F*cking Hate Pseudo-Science” FB page just so I could rant about those bat-shit crazy people….
Hey…we must have come in contact with the same people! The chem trails here in San Diego are responsible for our marine layer that comes in for months out of the year. I’m sure it’s true, because we have so much military here and they have nothing better to do than to fuck with our shitty weather here.
Sigh…it’s for moments like this that the face-palm was invented.
I think Mercury Retrograde brings out the super-crazies. They think, “everyone will blame it on Mercury Retrograde” and then go on an offending-everyone spree.
I told someone yesterday that I was leaving for Europe this coming Wednesday and they were SHOCKED that I had planned a trip and am flying during Mercury Retrograde! What the fuck?? Are you kidding me??? I told them that my psychic and my pendulum said it was ok to go.
Ah, the tell-tale ponytail. Or the tell tail, maybe we should call it. You know who else has a long ponytail? The guy who was breast fed till age 10.
(this was supposed to be a response to your excellent list, but the government screwed it up.)
I feel like he also smelled like patchouli.
Aren’t most of these people you describe on Bravo shows?
It’s a mix of Bravo, Facebook, and dancers – for some reason, people in the dance community think everyone’s surrounding them with negativity.
Oh Shit. I love Bravo and all it’s trash.
FUCK! There I go again! Not being able to EDIT!! Well…at least I write like I watch Bravo…
its…
It’s rare to find someone else who knows and cares about the difference between its and it’s. The fact that you tried is all that matters.
No. Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.
Nothing to add today, just I love you for being so forthright and clear and smart. I laugh out loud when I read your posts and today I actually feel like one of the cool kids ’cause I get it!
Adding that is enough for me! You are definitely one of the cool kids.
Spot. On.
People who say they don’t care what other people think but care so deeply that they will push people away by being really passive aggressive so they don’t have to feel actual rejection…which may or may not happen. The threat of rejection is too scary.
Oh, that’s so true. “I don’t care what anyone thinks and I’m really hoping they all congratulate me for that.”
People who go on and on about being a “conscious thinker” are usually anything but.
From a friend a long time ago: People who say they are being “brutally honest” are usually more interested in the “brutality” than the “honesty”.
People who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones. Oh wait – wrong thread for that one.
I mean, what other kind of thinking is there, really? To not be conscious that “conscious thinker” is redundant is proof that it’s not true, right there.