It’s my dad’s 81st birthday. I’m sure he’ll get some Happy Birthday posts on his Facebook timeline. But if I told him to check his timeline, the conversation would go like this:
DAD: “Lime line?”
DAD: “Rhyme line?”
ME: “TIME line. Check your time line.”
DAD: “No need. I don’t have any appointments today.”
So my dad doesn’t know all the Facebook mumbo-jumbo. He uses it, though.
You can’t knock a guy who appears both in faded sepia photos and on an internet-based social media platform.
If you’re ready to take your Facebook experience to the next level, you can learn to use it just like my dad does by following these simple tips:
1) Get all facebook notifications, including every item from your news feed, sent to your AOL inbox.
2) Comment on posts by replying via email, and cc the whole family –“family” including members you scrounged up in rigorously Anglo-Saxon countries and informed, “You and I are family. Mazel Tov.”
3) When anyone mentions Facebook, ask, “How do I access Facebook?” Blame the difficulty on “lousy AOL,” which you’ll never leave.
4) Manage to log on every four months, and comment on posts and photos from 3 years ago as though you never saw or commented on them before. Some of your new comments should directly follow your old comments, which were the last in the thread.
(NOTE: This will put all those old posts back in circulation, and people will start liking them again, which is kind of cool.)
5) Log on occasionally as your wife, because her password doesn’t “require a long, byzantine series of letters and numbers that’s impossible to memorize.” Using her profile, leave a bunch of comments she would never make. Like, “Go Alice, go!” on a photo of herself.
6) When Facebook tells you to “help so and so find friends,” take the suggestion seriously, and suggest that person to everyone on your friend list. Just as you would do in real life. Most effective when the friendless person’s name is in Hebrew letters.
7) Give yourself a pat on the back for using social media. You’re still ahead of most 81-year-olds.
Happy Birthday, Dad. Go Dad, go!
You missed the part where he signs every comment with his name in all caps, like a letter signature. VICTORIA
(as if I don’t know who he is!)
Omg, laughing out loud right now! I work with seniors and this is all too familiar. Thanks for the laugh!
Finding gifts for old people can be difficult. I was lucky to discover Gramps Gifts where they have a lot of cool gifts for old folks!
Hahahaha! If my dad had Facebook, this would probably be exactly what he would do! And replying to the emails? Priceless! Thanks for the funny post 🙂
Too funny! Happy Birthday Mr.Belgray 🙂
Hilarious Laura! I’m so impressed your dad is using Facebook – mine is 82 and still prefers the personal service of ‘the girls at the bank’ rather than using an ATM machine. Sending happy birthday wishes from NZ 🙂
Ursula-the crafting gypsy says
I have a over 90year old grandad who is using the internet … but I am quite certain that he would not even understand the concept of something like facebook if I would try to explain it to him! *lol*
Ursula-the crafting gypsy says
SO FRICKING FUNNY!
Enjoyed the post so much – and even having read it considering that I do not have any time right now is a testiment to your copy!!! 😉
And you are right, he IS ahead of most over80year olds! You have an awesome dad! Happy birthday to him!!!
Blissom Booblé says
What a gift first thing in the morning. This blog post definitely got me laughing and ready to start my day. Love it!
Sounds soooo much like my dad who just got on “the Internet” and has decided it’s best that he covers up his computer monitor with a towel because he saw on the news that people were hacking into computers and looking in people’s homes. Now mind you he doesn’t have a webcam! Oh yeah, he’s mid-fifties in age. LOL!!! Happy Birthday to your dad!
Happy Birthday Mr Belgray! And what a gift to have such a witty and smarty-pants daughter too right? 🙂
All jokes aside, you must have dome something right to give space for a talent such as Laura to develop and shine.
InaLaura, too much! Now I shall show it to Allan, who will ask, "What is Facebook?" Ina, Family from Californiak" says
Laura, too much! Now I shall show it to Allan, he will also laugh, and then ask, “What is Facebook”
David’s California family
Love this! Happy Birthday Mr. Belgray!!
Dawn Doherty says
Happy Birthday David! And thanks for giving us the gift of Laura.
Mom Belgray says
Dad wondered what I was laughing so hard at and then asked how to find the page. That fits! I love what you wrote, as always. Funny and loving and right-on!
This is hilarity. I don’t know what’s funnier – that he logs on as his wife and operates it like it’s him. Or that he’s reply-all-ing to a FB post in email. It’s like he’s making the statement, “this is how this thing *should* work dammit. why’s it gotta be so hard? i type. we stay connected. should be simple.”