“HAS ANYONE SEEN MY RUBBERS?”
My dad used to yell that through the house.
I think about it on slushy New York days.
By “rubbers,” he meant his black rubber overshoe boots by Totes. Instead of changing from one pair to another, you just slipped these on over your good wingtips. Or, in my dad’s case, Hush Puppies.
My sister and I objected to them partly because they were ugly and wiggly — we wished he’d wear puffy moon boots like the cool dads wore — but mostly because he insisted on calling them “rubbers.”
We’d “ew” loudly and not help him as he rooted around in the front hall closet, repeating, “Can someone PUH-LEEZE help me find my rubbers in here?”
When he asked why he was being mocked, we’d remind him that rubbers meant condoms, but he had no issue about using the world’s ickiest words in the wrong ways.
(For instance, when a family friend our age named Richard came over, my dad would pat him on the head and say “Hey there, big Dick!”)
So Dad would continue calling his Totes rubber overshoes rubbers, and we would continue not helping him find them. And then he would wait till the housekeeper came that week and ask her to PUH-LEEZE not move his rubbers.
Lately, my sister and I, instead of shortening the word “totally” to “totes,” shorten it all the way to “rubbers.” If one of us agrees with something the other said, we will say, “rubbers.” Or, if we emphatically agree, we’ll say “totes rubbers.”
And condoms? We call those jimmy hats.
What awful words did your parents use?
If you’re a parent, what do your kids mock you for saying?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.
OMG, this made me LOL so many times! DH is sleeping next to me, and I almost woke him up. Ooops. You’re hilarious Laura!
Laska Pare says
Dad, God help him, always says his punch sentences twice: First the “right” way, then backwards, just to see how it sounds, maybe?! Example: “The King of Burgers” he’ll say as we pass “Burger King” on the highway followed by, “The Burger of Kings” along with a small self-chuckle. Huh? I wish I could explain, but we (his four darling children) don’t get it either. “Do you want brussel sprouts or sprouts of brussel for dinner?” Um, I don’t know DAD. Considering I don’t know who Brussel is and what he’s sprouting, I’ll go with the former.
I am the oldest person in my dept at work (55) and my boss is 34. I recently made a mistake that forced her to be all managerial with me (which she hates) and I apologized for my “cockup”. Laughter ensued and I’m sure my expression made the rounds of the youngsters on my floor.
Elmer Anderson says
LOL. How times change when it comes to terminologies.
little addictions says
Tinkle…esp when my dad said it. eewww, still gives me the willies (double ew).
Sharon K says
My father also wore the totes “rubbers!” I can’t think of of what he actually called them–maybe overshoes–but I do remember one morning growing up when we had snow in the front yard with a thick sheet of ice over it. My dad was for some reason out there picking up twigs and whatnot. Our creepy neighbor across the street (scary I’m-inside-the-house creepy) saw how easily Dad was getting around out there, so he carelessly stepped onto his front yard in his loafers, quickly thereafter his portly body sliding to the bottom of the hill. Luckily he landed right next to his car, so it was pretty convenient him. My Dad then used the power of his super nonskid totes rubbers to run around the corner of our house and have a good laugh.
As far as stuff my parents used to say that grossed me out. From Mom–Well, to this day I hate the P word–panties. UGH. I cringed just typing it. But that’s probably just me. And then Dad would say stuff like, “down and dirty”–in front of other people. When you’re a teenager it’s utterly the WORST thing that could happen. I should mention that he thought it was hilarious to embarrass me. He also had quirky sayings–“I’m busier than a one-armed paper hanger.” or “That’s not enough to prime a piss-ant’s motor scooter.” Things I really miss hearing now! 🙂
One thing my mom would do that I found mortifying was when she over-explained the slang us kids used. For example, once when I was in junior high and said something sucked, she said, “Sharon, do you know what that means? That means to suck a man’s penis.” GOOD GOD. NOOOOOOOO. STIGMATA OF THE EARS!!!!
My day always pronounced puberty “poo-berty”. It made my teenage self die of embarrassment. As if discussing puberty with my dad wasn’t bad enough!
Dr. David Charles Belgray says
My mother called ‘snot’ by another name: punkies (pronounced poon’keys) before
she taught me about rubbers.
As for condoms, a friend of mine told me he bought a condom in Florida.
Hahahah, two things I love about this comment: 1) that you commented and said, “before she taught me about the rubbers,” and (2) that you signed off as, “The Dad.”
Something my own dad would do, and it made me giggle!
Disco! I say disco. Not nightclub. DISCO. I’m apparently very embarrassing ????
My husband however calls me Shagga. Shags. Shaggy. More embarrassment. More 80s.
My parents would call flip-flops thongs.
Judith Augustine says
Now I don’t know if this was original and I don’t really care! My dad would say sometimes, if you asked him something like, “would you like another helping of grits?”, “Not I, said Little Johnny Skunk with the wee winsome smile that made him so popular throughout the animal kingdom. Not I.” The tradition has continued with my siblings and our kids.
Oh my gosh, I LOVE this!
There’s not enough time to share all the seriously goofy, and often downright embarrassing things my dearly departed Dad used to say and do. He was a master of the goofy joke, and lots of other silliness.
One thing he would often ask is, “What ya got on, your mind?” You know, with the pause after the “on,” so it sounded like you were wearing your mind.
Ok, that one’s not very funny to anyone outside the family, but he also used to swan around the house singing, “I’m in the Nude for Love.”
Or tell jokes like, “What did the fly say to the windshield?” Answer: “I’d hit you again if I had the guts.”
Oh, how I miss my Dad! Thanks for this sweet reminder about dorky parents, God love ’em! 🙂
Oh man, I messed up the joke! It’s supposed to be, “What did the BUG say to the windshield?” Not what did the FLY say . . . . Jeez, what a doofus!! A small thing, yes, but I don’t want to get my Dad’s joke wrong on the internets, where everything lasts forever. 🙂
By the way, since when do my comments need to await moderation? And what does it mean by “moderation?” Is someone moderating comments? Or do comments need to be turned into something more moderate?
Ah. That’s what happens when you post a link without a comment. Because that’s what spambots do. When they’re unmoderated.
Yes, I just figured that out. Thank you. I was going to repost with added text but you’ve saved me the trouble.
So anyway, the question you and your sister need to ask yourselves is: What are your sister’s kids making fun of you about? (They’re probably making fun of you and you don’t even know it. 🙂 )