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Talking Shrimp

copywriting. jumbo style.

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wayback

Mom, this business is copying me.

26 Comments

When I was 6 and my sister was 3, she copied everything I did. I’m being specific about our ages because when I was 15 and Marian was 12, she was way cooler than I was, and had no desire to copy. She had make-out parties on the loft in my room with her enviously co-ed gang […]

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b-school, business, wayback, work

Wayback Wednesday: fake pets, pantyhose, and a pervert

10 Comments

Was the Woolworth’s from my childhood, on 79th and Broadway, special? Probably not. I bet the residents of the Upper West Side kvetched about it when it moved in in 1957, and said “FAN-tastic. Another Woolworth’s,” in the same way we all do now about another CVS or Bank of America. But I have a soft […]

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New York City, wayback

Wayback Wednesday: You’re Tan Or You’re Nobody

13 Comments

I got back from vacation in Tulum, Mexico, and a friend accused me of wanting to have dinner this week just so I could show off my tan. Ha! Shows how much he knows. I haven’t been tan in 20 25 years. [Updated for 2019] First of all, all my melanin has shut down. You don’t […]

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hand-picked, wayback

Wayback Wednesday: My dad, the ski lodge pimp

21 Comments

One time, on a ski vacation, my dad tried to pimp me. Maybe that’s misleading. He was trying to find me “teens my age.” That was always his thing. Not always teens, but always kids my age. My dad loves meeting people more than the average person loves meeting people. And from his days selling both Catholic […]

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hand-picked, my dad, wayback my dad

I used to be an idiot, and other notes from Miami

7 Comments

I went to Miami last week for a few days to hang out with one of my best friends from high school. GIRL TRIP! Here are my notes. 1) I could live in Miami. I want to live in a room at The Standard or some other hotel that offers both the Times and the […]

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travel, wayback

Wayback Wednesday: Mustache VS Nutsack

21 Comments

When my sister and I were kids, there were two places in our neighborhood to buy us shoes. One was Hary’s Florsheim, still there on 83rd and Broadway, twice the original size, and now just called Harry’s. (Visit them online!) There, the guy who fit kids for shoes had a crazy, Coney-Island-style, waxed, curled mustache. These […]

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wayback

Wayback Wednesday: Stalking, Butt Fuzz, and Pie Wars

11 Comments

This year, we’re doing Thanksgiving at my parents’ house. We used to do that every year without fail, and all the cousins would come to us. (We went elsewhere one year, and it was terrible because the stuffing was Stove Top. Unacceptable.) These days, people live in different places, have different people to see, and different […]

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wayback

Wayback Wednesday: Puffies, Porn ‘Stache, and Pacman

14 Comments

Where do city kids hang out now? Since they’re all under strict parent and nanny supervision, I guess at home, or those Kumon homework help places, or maybe some franchised indoor bouncy castle center where they jump around while parents sit in a viewing skybox, critiquing their kids’ bounce form and sipping kale smoothies. They don’t have what […]

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hand-picked, New York City, wayback

Wayback Wednesday: Tales of a 5th Grade User

18 Comments

When I was a kid, I was such a user. That’s off-brand for a Scorpio. We’re supposed to be all-or-nothing, I like you or I don’t like you. With Annie Lewis and Karen Poterman, classmates in middle school, I was more, you bug me but you have something cool at your house, so let’s hang. […]

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hand-picked, wayback

Mom, Saint of Home-Sewed Costumes and Stolen Snickers

24 Comments

Happy Halloween! A couple of weeks ago, I heard two moms talking on their way from drop off at the elementary school by my house. Actually, it was just one mom doing all the talking. The other barely had a chance to say “uh huh” and “OK” and seemed sorry she’d gotten dragged into walking […]

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wayback

Birthday FAQs (Don’t smile don’t smile don’t smile.)

14 Comments

It’s my birthday! For the occasion, I will answer your top birthday FAQs. Thanks for asking! Any big plans for tonight? Birthday party? Just dinner out, which is fine by me. If I had a party, I’d spend weeks worrying that I can’t not invite you, but if I do, will you mix with my other friends? Or […]

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life and stuff, random personal, wayback

Wayback Wednesday: P.S. I Loved This Store

43 Comments

ps i love you sticker

My birthday’s coming! No presents, please. But if you must, I like anything from P.S. I Love You. Oh, sorry, scratch that. The store, which was near our house on the Upper West Side, no longer exists, and I’m no longer 12. But if this were 1981… You could buy me anything from P.S. I Love You and […]

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hand-picked, memories, New York City, wayback

Wayback Wednesday: Boners In The News

25 Comments

Through 8th grade, I went to a “progressive” school on the Upper West Side. People called it “the TV School” because it looked like a TV, though now that they expanded the building upwards, it looks like a TV with a VCR, TiVo and cable box all stacked dumbly on top of it. Everyone knows you’re […]

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memories, middle school

Wayback Wednesday*: That’s some hairy frosting.

15 Comments

People seem to like it when I talk about growing up in NYC in the 70s and 80s, so I thought I’d start a series. I’m torn between Wayback Wednesday* and Frowback Friday. My concern about Frowback Friday is that people will pronounce the “Frow” part like it rhymes with “now.” And if I spell […]

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hand-picked, New York City, wayback

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